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Elf Bowling The Movie
Director: Dave Kim
Released: October 2nd, 2007
Reviewer: Dan
Why...
Because someone with money had some extra and wanted to make a crappy-ass CGI movie
based on what is arguably one of the top 20 worst games of all time, that's why. When
I saw this one at Blockbuster, I convinced Eric to rent this one just to see how bad
it was. Well, it delivered.
This one is just another childrens' movie about the origins of Christmas. This one
by far has got to be one of the more creative stories out there, but it really isn't a
good thing. Basically, Santa starts the movie as a pirate who steals toys and then
sets them adrift. I guess he was donating them back to the children he stole them from,
but that's just splitting hairs. I really wasn't paying too much attention to this one
since I was playing a DS game that I'm very happy I bought (review on it later), so I
missed the reason why Santa and his evil (in a childrens' movie sense) brother wound up
in the North Pole. All of the elves there notice this particualr pirate's resemblence
to "White Beard" and start calling him that. After Santa and his brother discuss things,
they decide to stay. Santa wants to give toys away while his brother just wants to steal
them.
After many centuries of gift giving by Santa, his brother, after being kicked out of
his Santa's house for being a mooch, decides that he will challenge Santa to a game of
Elf Bowling (IRL and not the stupid flash game) for control of Christmas. After winning
the one-roll Bowling match with the help of some Mafioso penguins, Santa's brother gains
control of Christmas and moves the whole operation to Fiji. The rest of the moive was
kind of a jumble to me since I sort of stopped paying any sort of real attention to this
one after that.
I really can't find anything good to say about this one. The rating may say PG, but
I really think it shouldn't be. Some of the things in this movie you really don't want
your 6-year-old doing or saying. Like decent childrens' movies, there is adult humor
placed in this one so parents don't go completely insane, but some of it can be a bit
raunchy. For example, you could easily substitute the word "Strudel" with "Sex." Not
to mention all of the women in this movie are very "well endowed" and show a lot of
cleavage. There is one female character in this movie that always has close-ups of her
ass at the start of nearly every scene she's in. Not to mention she stated that "I don't
date anyone who isn't disease-free." WHAT KIND OF WHORE ARE YOU?!?! THIS IS A MOVIE
FOR KIDS!!!
Final Verdict
Elf Bowling The Movie should be avoided at all costs for both parents and children. I
hate to say it, but I'll hand this one my first 0 out of 10.
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